Let’s Ponder

Today I am pondering wants vs needs and more so in the context of when we want something so bad that we can in fact become quite needy and a bit too desperate.

And in the context of running a business, when we are desperate or too needy, we can make poor decisions, take the wrong actions, procrastinate or worse, give up.

When this happens I do believe it’s because we do have a clear vision about what we want in the first place. I know with my clients, the reason their businesses have not worked or they have given up, is because they didn’t have a strong vision to start with.

Because of this they have made weak decisions that brought uncertainty. When we are uncertain about our business, fear rears its ugly head so instead of taking actions that move us forward, we give up or find a new shiny toy to focus on that doesn’t lead us towards our vision.

As humans we need to do two things – thrive and survive. Wanting something helps us thrive and attending to our needs helps us survive.

Before I continue my ponder, let’s clarify the difference between a want and a need.

Wants vs Needs

A want is something we desire, something we would love to have. When we want something, the desire can take over our emotional state to be either positive or negative.

And depending on what we want, will also depend on how much value or emphasis we place on it. Therefore the actions we take can determine if we get what we want or not.

To go one step deeper, our physiological state will also determine what meaning we bring to something so if we express emotions like sadness or anger, this can mean we feel crap and hence we might avoid or procrastinate. On the other hand if we express emotions like happiness, then this may mean we feel alive and motivated to take on the world.

Complex right…let me try and explain with an example.

Early in my career, I was fortunate enough to work with Olympic athletes when I worked in public relations. During this time, I observed two things in elite athletes: one being their desire to win and two the difference in reaction between those that did win and those that didn’t.

Now when I say win, this can either be in the form of winning a medal, doing their personal best or being the best they can be.

In 1994, I met Australian swimming great Ian Thorpe when he was 14 years of age. I was managing the media centre for the NSW Primary School Championship in which Ian was competing. During an interview with him, I recall he had a very big dream to make the Olympic team when he was older. He was a stand-out in the pool during that meet, and I could see way back then how much he wanted to achieve his dream to swim at the Olympics. For the next six years, Ian’s profile increased as his hard work outside the spotlight thrust him directly into it.

In total he he won five Olympic gold medals and two silver medals, 11 World Championship gold medals, he was recognised by Swimming World as Swimmer of the Year four times, as well as Australian Swimmer of the year five times

Needless to say, Ian achieved what he wanted (and perhaps above his expectations), through having a vision, focus, the right decisions and actions and his deep desire to be the best he could be.

“For myself, losing is not coming second. It’s getting out of the water knowing you could have done better. For myself, I have won every race I’ve been in.” Ian Thorpe.

One would suggest that Ian was very resourceful with his focus, unlike other athletes I have seen that had the same dream to be at the top of their field, and lost it all.

At the Sydney 2000 Olympic Games, I was also extremely fortunate to see American track star, Marion Jones, become the first woman ever to win five track and field medals. Seven years later, she admitted to using steroids and in 2007 she was stripped of all her Olympic medals. She was also sent to prison for six months for lying to federal investigators about her illegal substance use. In an ESPN documentary I recently watched on television, I was deeply saddened to see how she rose to the top and then crashed in the most punishing circumstances. She wanted success so bad, that unfortunately her thoughts overtook her decisions and her actions led her to losing her dream forever.

Which leads me to ponder, what is going on in our inner world that shapes our decisions and why we do what we do? What is going on in our outer world that leads us to believe we can take short cuts to success?

Six Core Needs

Tony Robbins is well known for his discussions around Six Core Psychological needs. Unlike wants, which are what we desire, needs are things we must have in order to thrive and survive. Vital needs, like food, water and shelter, are things we must have to survive. Our six core needs are things we must be attend to so we can thrive.

What are the six core needs? According to Tony Robbins they are:

  • Certainty – security, safety, stability and comfort
  • Uncertainty – variety, challenge, adventure
  • Significance – importance, respect, uniqueness
  • Love/Connection
  • Growth
  • Contribution

What Tony says, is that when these six core needs are met we feel satisfied and when they are not, we feel unsatisfied.

When we are satisfied, it means we have been resourceful to meet these needs. For example in the case of Ian Thorpe he perhaps gained certainty through a regular and consistent training schedule, he had variety in how he trained, he felt significant as he worked harder and started progressing to the top, he loved to swim, he learnt all that he could to have the potential to win Olympic gold and he is known for how much he gave/gives back to the swimming community.

On the other hand, Marion Jones perhaps made poor decisions because she wanted too much certainty and did whatever it took to propel to the top, but she did this in an un-resourceful way.

For anyone that is striving to be the best they can be, the need for significance is very high and is typically influenced by ego. Our ego can take us down two paths, a path of light and hope or a path of darkness and destruction. The more we can control our ego and be the master of it, the more we can experience achieving what we want because our reality simply meets our expectations.

I believe the mother of all our emotions is our expectations. When expectations are met our reality is great. When expectations are not met, our reality is bleak. When we make decisions that meet out six core needs, we are satisfied and when we feel satisfied we feel happy.

I do believe in business, just like an elite athlete, if you start your road to success without a clear vision of what you want, then your ability to make good decisions can get clouded and when times get tough you loose sight. When you are not making effective decisions, you bring uncertainty to yourself and therefore actions you take can be the wrong actions that don’t lead you towards your vision or the goals you want to achieve.

If you continue with the same strategies that make you feel safe and secure and don’t challenge you, you won’t love what you do or grow to achieve what you truly want to have.

Six core needs, as I reflected above, must be attended to when you are making decisions for your business.

Take Action

So ask yourself, right now what do I want and what do I need to do to attain this.

If there is something you want have a clear vision on where you want to be; make a firm decision about this and what you must do and then take massive action to do this.

If you would like help to unpack your vision so you can move forward with your business, then click here for a FREE 45-strategy call. If achieving success is what you want, then make a decision now to move forward. Click here and let’s have a one-one discussion on how you can make this happen.

If you would like to listen to this on my weekly podcast, then click here now.

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