Today is Wednesday, and the weather has really thrown a spanner in the bring on summer feeling. I live in Melbourne, Victoria and it feels like mother nature has an imposter in her role, as she or he  is clearly confused about what season it is and that we should be experiencing nice warm days and some pre-summer swimming, not back in our bomber jackets and sitting around the fire, it truly feels like the weather gods have gone fishing.

And sadly, whilst I’m annoyed by the cold weather, my attention is mostly drawn to the many communities in Queensland and New South Wales experiencing catastrophic fire conditions destroying their homes and livelihood. No doubt if hell had a feeling, it would feel like this. 

As I am sitting in a café, along our Bayside foreshore, looking over the haze and merky water, I start to ponder a time when I experienced being part of a catastrophic fire event and how the feeling of being an imposter emerged and my fears of not being good enough sparked a massive fire inside of me.

It was the morning of 9 February 2014, and I arrived at my job at the Environment Protection Authority (EPA) where I was the Head of Marketing and Communication. The atmosphere was somewhat disruptive as my communications staff informed me of a large fire in the Hazelwood Coal Mine in Gippsland. EPA has an office in the region so our head office was been kept well informed of the situation as it was unfolding.

However as the day continued and media started calling, I soon realized that this situation was not a contained fire that would be put out by the end of the day, in fact it soon escalated into a state emergency and the fire burnt for the next 45 days – the longest and largest bushfire in Victoria’s La Trobe Valley and one that had significant impact on the local community, the economy and of course the environment.

Following an emergency meeting with the Executive, I soon found myself driving to the La Trobe Valley so I could be on the ground and help lead EPA’s communication coordination with the other emergency agencies. I recall my drive down, the feeling in my gut was not good. I was nervous as I had no idea what I was walking into, and in fact as I drove through a very scary thick cloud of smoke as I got closer to the mine, I had no idea how much this event would impact my professional life as well as my personal life.

The experience however really shaped me as a person, as I learnt so much from being thrown in the deep end, trusting my capabilities and skills and working in an environment that was organised chaos, stressful and at the heart of it, with people who were experts in their field and people who truly cared and did their best to contribute to resolving the issue.

Whilst the feeling of being an imposter kind of crippled me at the start, I soon realized as I looked around the Emergency HQ, that I wasn’t the only person who felt self-doubt, fears of being good enough and fears of being exposed for making wrong decisions and doing actions that were not effective.

As I think back to this experience, I do feel immensely proud of how I stretched myself, I feel proud of the amazing leadership team I was part of, the team environment in which I worked, and I am extremely grateful for the support from my CEO and his mentoring throughout the experience. It truly was an event that gave me confidence to rely on my skills, my abilities and my capability to manage myself in a highly stressful situation.

But this isn’t the first and last time I have felt like an imposter, and I’m pretty sure most people I know at some moment in their life and their career have felt like this before. And I believe people hide this shame because the word imposter, as it is defined, carries so much negative and harsh meaning.

The Oxford Dictionary defines imposter as “ a person who pretends to be someone else in order to deceive others, especially for fraudulent gain”, ouch!

Imposter syndrome is referred to as a psychological pattern in which an individual, doubts their accomplishments and ability and has a persistent internal fear of being exposed as a fraud or a phony. Their beliefs reflect incompetency, despite evidence to suggest otherwise. 

And anyone who experiences imposter syndrome may experience lack of self-confidence, negative thoughts and self-talk, feelings of inadequacy, dwells on past mistakes and an overall feeling of not being good enough. Their self-esteem takes a pretty good beating. 

In my thoughts about this, I started to realise that when we feel like an imposter, it is in fact a mask we put on to protect us from being seen for who and what we really are. My ah-ha moment lights up as I realise why super hero’s wear masks or costumes – because they don’t want to be seen as the timid and insignificant person they feel they really are. I mean think about Superman. Clarke Kent a mild, mannered journo geek who is clumsy and introvert, compared to Superman who is powerful, strong and has the ability to save the world from evil villans.  

So the times I have felt like an imposter, I guess it was because I was fearful of my true ability, what I was really capable of or not and if I wasn’t perfect, I would be exposed.

Brene Brown, who is well known for her research in shame and vulnerability, says that when we choose to fake it, we also choose to loose our authenticity. It’s a decision we make because of fears. 

This raises a memory as I think about my years working in corporate, how the workplace stank of people faking it until that make it, people behaving differently so they are seen to fit in, people expressing opinions that in are conflict with their values and beliefs so they are seen to conform and people that had to perfect everything before they would share their work. And I do believe I absolutely contributed to this stench, as at the end of the day I guess my biggest fear was being fired and my reputation exposed. Everything had to be perfect before I allowed others to give me feedback.

So on this note, let me speak to perfectionism and how it relates to being an imposter. 

Brene Brown says that perfectionism is a behavioural cognitive process where we our thinking and feelings say if I do it perfect, be perfect and live perfect I can avoid shame, blame or judgement.

She says perfectionism is the ultimate fear, as people are afraid that the world will see them as the person they are really are. We think perfectionism is a shield that protects us from being hurt, but in fact, it is a shield that protects us from being seen. i.e the thoughts I had on super hero’s above.

I guess, ultimately, we seem to always try and strive for a world that doesn’t exist. We seem to strive to be someone who we are really not and we seem to strive to have things that don’t always make us happy.

In my previous podcasts, A Pondering Thing, I have spoken to the one and only goal I believe we should strive for in life, and that’s to be who we are at core. To resign our roles (e.g good girl, rebel, care taker or hero etc..) that hide our shame and start exposing the person we really want to be.

I know starting out as a new coach a couple of years ago, the imposter syndrome certainly crept in. At the time, I felt fears of not being good enough or being exposed as a new coach with little experience. I had 25 years of marketing and communication experience, however all these years working as a leader, building skills and capability and pushing my limits, seemed to not matter. I was in a new career so my need for perfectionism and being the “best coach” was desperately trying to take over.

Thankfully I had trained as a life coach, and with Sharon Pearson and her amazing team at The Coaching Institute, they taught me how to resign my good girl role and how to restore my core me so I could manage this imposter syndrome.

I do believe I am a recovering perfectionist as I continue to be work in progress. My good girl still cries out for attention and my fears of what others think still creep in.

But this does not stop me, as I do believe if you have a quest to be the better version of yourself, know your purpose and have focused goals, it’s the steps you take every day to move towards this is that matters. It’s the ongoing intent and actions you implement that make the difference. It’s your ability to fail forward and learn every day that seperates you from the stench of wanting to “fit in”.

If you are new to business and starting up for the first time, my biggest piece of advice is this: have a purpose so you know where you are heading and ensure your why is big enough so your meaning fires up your passion. Only action and implement tasks that move you towards your end destination and ensure you get support to reframe your mindset so the imposter syndrome does not become your norm. Strive to be the person you want to be by working hard to get back to your core and your 10 traits of I-Amness: curious, spontaneous, risk taking, optimistic, warm, loving, playful, resilient, emotional and unique (Sharon Pearson, author Ultimate You).

So ask yourself today, am I being an imposter and if so what is the situation and what am I feeling? Remember, imposter syndrome triggers when we feel stressed and emotions like anxiety create self-destructive thoughts. Take a big breathe and get your calm state on. 

This is a simple process from Tony Robbins that I love to use with my clients to help you define who you are, so grab a notepad and a pen and do this exercise. This is taken from his book, Awaken the Giant if you are interested in knowing more:

  • Step 1: be curious and ask yourself who am I, write down “I am…”
  • Step 2: consider if your name was in the dictionary, what definition would it say, write this down, “My Dictionary Definition..”
  • Step 3: if you were to create your own I.D card that says who you truly are, what you be on it and what would you leave off, “My I.D Card….”

To end this exercise, I like my clients to write a list of what their personal standards are and the attributes about themselves they are not willing to compromise. We also establish new values that are aligned with their “better person”. They generally pick a couple at a time and work to change their behaviours to model these new standards and align with their new values.

This is an effective way to destroy your inner imposter.

As I said before, I am a recovering perfectionist. The good girl still demands my attention, but my new I.D card states this: “I Paulina, see, hear, feel and know that the purpose of my life is to be a courageous and compassionate woman that inspires others tenaciously”…and this is the standard I have set and what I now strive to achieve.

As I leave you with this ponder, I do want to reiterate, that at some time in our life, feeling like an imposter is more common than you may think. It’s just fear and how we hide our shame. But remember, shame is like a big shadow. It will follow us and carry our secrets of worthlessness and feelings of inadequacy whilst we allow it. 

Make a choice today to be authentic and discover what this means for you. Because when you do, your possibilities to be who you want to be and have all that you want to have will happen.

I want to leave you with this quote, “I think, therefore I am”. (Rene Descartes)

If at any point you would like to chat about this or have a free coaching session with no obligation then click here and let’s have a chat http://poplifecoaching.com.au/step-1-book-your-free-discovery-call-now/.

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